Dead Space: Let’s Get Surgical!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Dead Space would be a great name for this blog!

EA took a departure from the sanitized world of big, safe, corporate multi-sequel sports, action and racing games and did a little something different: they took a stab at survival horror with their new franchise Dead Space.  In fact, it’s a big bloody stab that more than earns its M rating.  Emphasis on the blood.  And the stabbing.

In Dead Space, you are inserted into the role of Isaac, a random space engineer whose crew has been tasked to figure out why a big planet cracking corporate ship (the Ishimura… or as I like to call it, “the EA”) has gone incommunicado.  Isaac is pretty cool for a guy who took breathing lessons from Darth Vader and walks around in a big Iron Man-type suit… well, he has cool abilities, which he uses to great effect running around The EA dismembering evil alien hive-mind hordes.  Did I mention that Isaac’s girlfriend is stranded somewhere on the ship?  Well she is, even though it doesn’t impart any gravitas or emotional ties to any of the characters.  It’s “extra motivation for the sake of motivation” plot device because for all we know, Isaac doesn’t care because doesn’t display any emotion.

Once onboard the Ishimura, Isaac is sent out to complete a bunch of tasks that largely consist of pushing buttons, figuring out an occasional puzzle and chopping off the limbs of very many mutated alien/human hybrid thingies that are all very, very ill-tempered.  In typical form, the bad guys get bigger, meaner and tougher as the game goes on.

Isaac is really well equipped to handle the trouble that comes his way.  He’s outfitted with some tough armor that gives him telekinesis, provides a limited air supply in a vacuum (because Air Supply should always be offered in limited quantities) as well as provides an ability called Stasis which basically freezes stuff for a short amount of time.  Stasis is probably the most important ability, because you need it to solve puzzles and lop off heads and arms and legs.  Isaac also gets a nice plasma cutter thing which cuts through flesh pretty quickly, which is handy in a game whose primary combat game mechanic is dismemberment.  There are other weapons, but I only played through using the Plasma Cutter thingamajob.

Dead Space is a good game, however, it falls short of being great.  The game mechanics are pretty sound and polished, if a little bit repetitive.  The game looks beautiful, sounds beautiful, controls really well and the in-game UI screens are really fantastic.  The level design and puzzles offer a good variety of challenge and break up some of the repetition really well.

Dead Space tries really hard to be scary and comes up short because shock value horror wears off pretty quickly.  The game doesn’t do much to build suspense because it doesn’t play with your mind and generate an emotional response to the action that’s taking place in front of you.  Having a main character that looks and acts like a robot doesn’t help.  You don’t get to build any kind of emotional attachment to Isaac, so you don’t really get scared.

The gore factor in Dead Space is turned up to 11, which gets tiresome and repetitive really quickly.  I’m sure teenagers and Fangoria fans love it.  I would have loved to be able to skip through some of the extended Isaac death scenes I experienced.

Dead Space’s story is also extremely derivative.  If you’ve seen Aliens or The Thing and combine it with some huge creatures from Gears of War, you kind of get the idea.  Again, the lack of characterization doesn’t help here.  You can see all the plot twists coming because they’ve been done before.

Dead Space is a good, fun game.  An obvious amount of polish went into the gameplay, design and aesthetics.  If they get the horror aspect down, EA could be onto something.

Four out of five stars

Resident Evil 5: Boob Locator

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Resident Evil 5 demo was pretty awful, in terms of a gameplay experience. Its control set and gameplay mechanics really make the game unbearably painful and difficult to play, proving once again that Japanese game designers are sadomasochists. Also, having your main character take up 3/4 of the screen sure doesn’t help you navigate or increase your situational awareness. To its credit, RE 5 sure is pretty. Pretty, but ultimately an epic fail.

Sadly, I did not know about the Boob Locator feature until after I deleted the demo from my hard drive. It is clearly the game’s best feature.

Taken

Monday, February 2, 2009

The last face you will see

Liam Neeson gets to stretch his badass muscles in Taken, a movie in which some very, very bad people get exactly what they deserve, usually in the most brutally efficient way way possible.

Neeson stars as Bryan Mills, a caring dad with a past filled with dark deeds.  When his daughter is kidnapped by sex slavers, Bryan engages in hot pursuit all over Paris, compiling a pretty heavy body count along the way.   Neeson’s Bryan is intense, methodical and driven and makes Jack Bauer look like a choirboy. Yeah, I went there.

The film’s star is also it’s brightest shining light.  A little more gravitas and some better performances (seriously, would it have been conceivable to cast an 18 year old actres as an 18 year old character?) would have probably garnered a better score, but Taken is a ferociously entertaining ride.

Three out of five stars

No one in [his] administration likes Spawn

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Savage Sword of Obama STRIKES!

Obama Disappointed Cabinet Failed To Understand His Reference To ‘Savage Sword Of Conan’ #24

“When I tell my cabinet that getting bipartisan support is exactly like the time Conan got Taurus to help him steal Yara’s jewel, they need to understand what I mean.”

Fuck yeah they do.

Here we go again

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A week after the cease-fire, war erupted in Gaza again yesterday.

Israel launches attacks in Gaza

You’d think they’d learn.  And by “they” I mean the asshats on both sides of the fence.

Lost Is Back!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Is that a gun to my head or are you just happy to see me?

Lost returned tonight with a one-hour recap followed by a two-hour premiere.  It was a evening in which we gorged ourselves on all things awesome and constantly asked ourselves “just what the hell is going on?”

In other words: it was well worth the wait.

And it turns out time travel can be explained to us non-space/time theorist types if you just slap the right scientist around a bit!  I always suspected and now I know!

Obama Sworn in as President

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Congratulations, Mr. President.

Today, Tuesday, January 20th, 2009, Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States of America.

A transcript of his inaugural speech as President follows.

—–

SPEAKER: PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors.

I thank President Bush for his service to our nation as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath.

The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.

Homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly, our schools fail too many, and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.

It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.

Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor — who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West, endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died in places Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed.

Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done.

The state of our economy calls for action: bold and swift. And we will act not only to create new jobs but to lay a new foundation for growth.

We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together.

We will restore science to its rightful place and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its costs.

We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age.

All this we can do. All this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works, whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end.

And those of us who manage the public’s knowledge will be held to account, to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day, because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched.

But this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control. The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.

The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

Our founding fathers faced with perils that we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations.

Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake.

And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with the sturdy alliances and enduring convictions.

They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy, guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort, even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We’ll begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people and forge a hard- earned peace in Afghanistan.

With old friends and former foes, we’ll work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat and roll back the specter of a warming planet.

We will not apologize for our way of life nor will we waver in its defense.

And for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that, “Our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.”

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness.

We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and nonbelievers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth.

And because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict or blame their society’s ills on the West, know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds.

And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders, nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages.

We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service: a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves.

And yet, at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old.

These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.

What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed, why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall. And why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day in remembrance of who we are and how far we have traveled.

In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by nine campfires on the shores of an icy river.

The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.

At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

“Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it.”

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you.

And God bless the United States of America.

——

Yes, we can.

The End of an Error

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Eight years too long...

Tomorrow is the start of a better world.

One Man Can Change the World

Monday, January 19, 2009

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Happy birthday, Dr. King, and thank you for sharing your dream.

Cease-fire in Gaza

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Cease fire in effect for period of one week

Photo by Hatem Moussa / Associated Press

Palestinians inspected the rubble of buildings in the eastern area of Jabaliya in the northern Gaza Strip after Israeli troops withdrew.

About 12 hours after Israel declared its own cease-fire, Hamas and other Palestinian militant groups agreed to a week-long cease-fire and said they would give Israeli troops a week to leave Gaza.

Over 1000 people, many of them Palestinian civilians and children, have died in the conflict.


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